Have you ever heard the saying ‘the teacher learns more than the student’…..I feel that way with my kids all the time….I learn from them so much more than they learn from me!
By using the terms ‘student’ and ‘teacher’ I don’t mean a classroom environment….there are so many different ways to learn and grow….every waking moment can be a learning opportunity! The lessons you learn from children can be enlightening. They have such a fresh, unbiased perspective and some of the things they teach you are empowering!
Now, if you don’t have children….I’m not suggesting you go out and have some! But do get associated with children to give yourself an opportunity to learn from them….you will be surprised!
Here are 10 amazing lessons from my two children….I’m sure there are many more so feel free to add some of your own in the comments section below.
1. It’s all about the journey, not just the destination
When I walk with my four year old to school….and we are often running late….I’m always asking him to walk fast so we can reach on time. But all he wants to do is look at every single car parked or driving past and point at them excitedly and tell me – “Mummy look here is a white Audi….Mummy look here is a black BMW…etc etc’. And I soon realised it’s fun to look at things from his perspective….to take the time and notice things around us and just explore a little instead of always being in a rush. Yes, reaching a goal is important but enjoying the journey along the way is enriching and can be a huge learning experience!
2. Finding joy and happiness in the little things
Small things are the big things! My six year old daughter finds joy in picking up little acorns from our back garden or in collecting feathers. My son loves to count all his cars and line them up in one long row (all facing the correct way)….and he will do it over and over again day in and day out. When my daughter was small she couldn’t pronounce many words correctly…she would call tomatoes ‘mononoes’, olives was ‘amish’ and get up was ‘gep up’. And when I tell her about that now we both have a laugh!
They’ve both taught me to enjoy the little things in life….it’s the little things that add up to one BIG experience! As you look back at your life it’s often the little things that stand out and sometimes the seemingly inconsequential things end up changing the course of your life!
3. Children don’t listen to what you say…..they watch what you do
Do you practice what you say? BE the example…and they will follow like magic! If you say you are going to do something….do it!
I’ll admit I am guilty of this every now and then and I’m still learning to always practice what I say. My daughter often catches me off guard and she will say “Mummy you said you were going to do xyz but you didn’t do it!”…..or if she wants me to come and sit with her when she is reading or doing something I might say “I’ll come in 5 minutes” and 10-15 minutes later I still haven’t gone to her and she will yell – “Mummy you said you will come in 5 minutes and you are still not here.”
If my kids catch me saying something and doing something else – guess what it gives them the licence to do the same!
Actions speak louder than words!
4. Playing is learning
It’s beautiful to watch children play. That’s when interests are discovered, personalities identified and skills honed. Somewhere along the line….when you are growing up you stop playing….thinking it’s only for kids!
My children remind me that playing is as much for adults as it is for children. Spend some time with ‘play doh’ and see what you can do. Take some blank paper and your child’s crayons and doodle away and see what you come up with. Take out some of your kids building blocks and create something. I bought my little boy ‘Geomags’ for his 4th birthday and I secretly love playing with it – it is so stimulating! Or just have fun with Lego!
Lego – that’s an interesting topic! During my training days we’ve done workshops on Lego. Give a Lego board and a bunch of Lego bricks to each workshop participant and ask them to do whatever they want with it…..and then ask relevant questions. There are so many directions you can go with this – identifying goals, learning styles, personality types, unleashing creativity, etc.
5. Think outside the box
Can’t find your car keys? – If you have kids at home…well look at the most obvious places in case you’ve put them there…..but in all probability if your kids have kept them somewhere you have to look at the not very obvious places. Below the couch, in their toy kitchen drawer, in the boot of your child’s toy car, in the fridge veggie section, inside the lego house that they’ve built….you get the drift!
Kids are amazing at thinking out of the box….that’s because nothing has a precedent for them…everything is new, everything is fresh. So it’s almost always zero based thinking!
Imagine how powerful it would be to apply the ‘zero based thinking’ concept to us as adults!? Wow!! Just the thought is liberating!
6. Love is a language! And everyone has a different love language
There is an amazing book by Gary Chapman called ‘The Five Love Languages’. In a nutshell everyone (including children) has a different love language. Learn to identify your child’s love language (which is often different from your own) and begin communicating with them focussing on their love language and see what a huge difference it would make. The five love languages Gary Chapman describes in his book are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time and Physical Touch.
I had read this book many many years ago (before I had children) and had forgotten about it…..till I was reminded of it the other day by my 6 year old. Her love language is ‘Physical Touch’ and she was complaining to me about not getting enough cuddles when she is going to sleep or when she wakes up in the morning. She’s almost 7 but she still needs to come into my bed every morning for at least an hour for cuddles!
All five love languages are important to kids but one of them will resonate with them much more than the others. And when they don’t receive enough of that their emotional tank is empty and they will not function very well. And it’s the same with adults!
7. Listen with your eyes….not just your ears
I often multitask (like most of us do). And when my kids are talking to me they will say – ‘Mummy you are not listening to me’….and I reply ‘Oh yes, I am darling’….to which they would reply – ‘But you are not looking at me’!
When my six year old was younger and if I didn’t look at her when she was talking she would come to me and physically hold my face so that I’m looking straight at her and say “Mummy listen to me with your eyes!” That act would cause me to break out of whatever I was thinking or doing and focus completely on her!
“Mummy listen to me with your eyes” – that is such a powerful statement!
Listening is a skill and you can listen at so many different levels. When you listen with your whole body and pay complete attention you can listen at a completely different level and you can also ‘hear’ things that are not being said which can be potentially vital information!
8. Asking Questions
My 4 year old who has a delayed speech development is now in full blown question mode and I love it!
Where do dinosaurs sleep when its snowing? Are real dinosaurs naughty? Why does it snow? Why can’t my friends come home today? Why can’t you buy me a new car everyday? and so on….
He asks all sorts of questions all the time but his favourite type is ‘why’??
It’s truly amazing to understand his thought process as he is hungry to understand the world around him. His ‘why’ questions repeated over and over again are an invaluable learning tool for him! He wants to soak up as much information as he can about everything.
Do we do that as adults? Question what you read or hear? Inquire all the time! Learning is a life long process and there is always opportunity to learn more all the time! I remember reading an amazing book a while ago called “Change Your Questions, Change Your Life!” by Marilee G. Adams. The right questions are powerful and can direct your thinking, and therefore your actions and results and transform your life!
9. Wherever you are be there!
Drop the tech and be there! Our phones and laptops are an extension of us and it’s difficult to put them aside or not check them constantly! Kids want undivided attention. Plan some time with them everyday where it’s just you and them and no technology. They want to be listened to or they want you to just watch them without you doing anything else. Watch them do that puzzle or create that new lego construction or draw something. My little one is smart – he will keep looking up at me every few minutes to make sure I’m still watching him and not doing something else!
So how does this unique trait translate to us as adults – wherever you are be there! Try it out…..it will be difficult at first but enlightening later!!
If you meet someone for lunch…focus entirely on that person without thinking of or doing anything else! And yes, phones out of sight! If you are eating breakfast by yourself….just have breakfast and connect with yourself (leave your phone aside). If you have a business meeting with someone….focus completely on the meeting….without thinking of how soon you can finish and move on to something else!
Wherever you are be there! Not just physically but mentally and emotionally too!
10. Sometimes you have to have dessert before dinner
If my kids had their way they would want to eat only dessert! And I’m certainly not advocating that you start having ice-cream or dessert before all meals. I’ve seen the joy on both my kids faces when I occasionally give in to their request and allow them to have their dessert before dinner!
Rules are meant to be broken! It’s fun to break rules sometimes and see where you land up. Just because things have always been done in a certain way doesn’t mean you can’t do it another way.
Albert Einstein is widely credited with saying, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.” We humans are creatures of habit and we often stick to routines in life. However if you want different results than what you are getting, you have to try different approaches.
And sometimes a different approach to the same challenge can be the breakthrough you were looking for!
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